If You Tell a Lie Once Then You Wont Be Believed Again

Years ago, a friend's hubby asked to take a sexual relationship with me, and I declined. I was upset merely not surprised at his proposition; it was common knowledge in our group of friends that he was regularly unfaithful to his wife. Soon thereafter, he groped some other adult female at a political party in front of a number of people. His wife defended him against our friends opprobrium, saying that she believed him that it had never happened.

As a psychotherapist, I have learned that information technology is not unusual for people to believe someone, even when they have substantial proof that the are beingness lied to. Examples include parents who believe that their children are not taking drugs, even subsequently finding a stash in the kid's sock drawer; lovers who insist that their partner is faithful despite unfamiliar underpants in the laundry; and business partners who believe that fiscal losses are for some unexplained reason other than that their all-time friend is stealing from them.

Why do we proceed to believe someone, even when nosotros have rational and substantial evidence that they are lying to the states?

One reason is that nosotros accept trouble reconciling the fact that someone is lying with what nosotros perceive equally expressions of honesty. In his book "Telling Lies," Dr. Paul Ekman, a groundbreaking researcher on lying, writes that most of u.s. cannot tell from someone's facial expression or body movements whether or not they are telling the truth.

Ekman also found that we desire to believe that someone is telling us the truth, especially when that person is emotionally or psychologically important to us. It is painful to believe that someone we care almost or trust is lying to us, as is knowing that nosotros cannot trust them.

Denial of reality, or not crediting something that we know is true in some role of our brain, is a style we unconsciously protect ourselves from this pain. In his volume "Emotional Bullshit," Dr. Carl Alasko writes that deprival "ignores or minimizes an essential fact."

According to literature put out by the Mayo Clinic, "Refusing to admit that something is incorrect is a way of coping with emotional conflict, stress, painful thoughts, threatening information and feet." With denial we can reassure ourselves that everything is okay, fifty-fifty when information technology is not. The reassurance tin requite a frightened psyche fourth dimension and space to work on possible solutions, which is harder to do when you are in a state of panic, feet or dread.

Sometimes the comfort of assertive someone is the solution to their lies, as it was with my friend whose denial allowed her to stay with her hubby. Another adult female once told me she had consciously decided, "My hubby always comes home to me. I'd rather accept that than not have him at all."

However, denial also has negative consequences: If we don't recognize a trouble, nosotros cannot solve it. When parents discover clear proof that a pre-adolescent kid is drinking booze or doing drugs, for example, denying the bear witness can be highly destructive. (Of course, it is important not to make unfounded or untrue accusations, but information technology is equally of import that a child know that you volition non simply hide from painful truths.) A immature person who is drinking or doing drugs needs parental guidance and a failure to admit this demand might make everyone feel better in the curt term merely create difficulties in the long term.

In other cases, children who are sexually assaulted past an adult are not always believed by other adults. It is sadly common to hear stories of some mothers accepting lies told by boyfriends, husbands and siblings over the truth told by a kid. For a variety of reasons, they may not have the emotional strength to respond in any other way. Sometimes mothers are more than agape of the offender than of the offense. Or, they may have been molested or otherwise hurt as children themselves, or feel incapable of caring for their children on their own. Ofttimes, they feel that their family would be much worse off if they act on their child'south behalf. They come to feel similar their only psychological selection is to believe the lie.

In business too, it can exist hard to take that a trusted colleague is doing something underhanded, so we accept their lies until the damage is done and undeniable. Such deprival of truth can hurt many people, including colleagues, employees, customers and clients. In the worst-example scenario, accepting lies tin destroy a business and crusade untold harm to numerous individuals.

We believe lies when we experience too vulnerable to permit the truth and its consequences to manifest in our lives. When truth does emerge, we frequently feel terribly betrayed and nosotros can lose faith in our ain ability to make expert judgments. To protect against this hurting, we sometimes continue lying to ourselves long after reality seems unavoidable.

I am no longer in touch with the adult female whose married man came on to me, and then I do non know if she is still with him — just I know other couples who have stayed together despite lies ranging from infidelity and finances to addictions and work. I as well know men and women who have left relationships when they discovered even small lies, considering they could no longer trust the other person. The decision is well-nigh always an endeavour to find a rest between caring and self-esteem.

If you think that you lot are accepting someone'south lies instead of facing them, talk to someone who will not judge you, like a mental wellness provider or a mentor who tin exist neutral and unbiased. They tin can help you start to experience safe plenty to accept a step toward a improve remainder. It is important to recall, notwithstanding, that accepting lies is self-protection, not a sign of immorality or weakness.

With friends, colleagues and loved ones, it is important to remember that it tin can take time and work for them to develop the capacity to face the truth. Getting aroused or pointing out reality every bit you see will not move someone out of their deprival. Information technology is of import to acknowledge that yous take a different perspective while clarifying that you lot are non judging them. Let them know that you are ready and willing to talk about your perspective if they would detect that useful. Although they might decline you now, they might turn to you for support in the future.

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Source: https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/why-do-we-believe-liars-ncna993816

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